Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
I suddenly flashed back to when I was sick. To when I had cancer. I thought about how bad I felt in the hospital after cancer surgery being unable to walk on my own. I thought about having to sit on a shower chair and needing help to wash myself. And then I thought about being stuck on the couch after my first chemo treatment with a headache so bad I hoped I wouldn't die that night. I was all alone. The lonliness became palpable once again. And although I was thankful that this was nowhere near as bad it was enough to bring those sucky memories rushing back.
So I cried. And then cried some more. So much that I thought I would never stop. As I sat there on the couch I noticed the pain in my back was gone but I must have been crying over the pain in my heart. Crying over the fear. And it just snowballed from there.
As I sit here and write this I am feeling better. Partly thanks to Advil. And I am sure my crying fit did nothing to help the stress in my back muscles. I hate feeling this way. I haven't yet figured out how to handle the associated reactions better...
Have you ever experienced a flashback similar to this? How did you react? How did you handle the emotion?
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
Dr. Susan Love is getting alot of flack for her support of the recommendations. She addresses these issues on her blog. A great organization called Breast Cancer Action (BCA) includes their take on this issue via a statement on their website. They are one of the few in support of it as well.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
During breast cancer month I have see many a glossy with topless photos of women with breast cancer and wonder if it is really benefiting other women or serving to increasing sales for that magazine. If a woman gets diagnosed with breast cancer she will most likely see a plastic surgeon who will gladly show her before and after shots of women who have had mastectomies and reconstruction. That is what my doctor did for me. I just don't think it needs to be in a magazine at the local newsstand.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
That happened when I lost my boob. And although they built me a brand spankin new one I was now lopsided. Yeah, I know they say that all women have one boob smaller/larger than the other but still. Like it wasn’t already hard enough to be a girl.
It seemed as though once I lost my boob Victoria’s Secret catalogs showed up everywhere I turned. That those dam bra commercials were on some crazy rotation on every channel I surfed through. Don’t even get me started on shopping in that store or any for that matter. I swear I must have tried on every bra known to man. Every brand, every size, every type. One thing I have realized… I live in an underwire world. All I wanted was a bra without wire. I had no clue it would be near impossible. And if I did in fact hit the bra lotto happening to stumble upon one you could be sure it wasn’t a pretty, girly, one.
Now, back in the day I was a big fan of underwire. It was all I wore. I found it pretty comfortable until I tried to shove a newly reconstructed boob into one. My plastic surgeon practically dared me to try it. I laughed wondering “how hard could it be?” I had done it before right? Well, I was in a for a rude awakening. Initially I had settled into the sporty type, which I must admit were sooo comfortable but quite unflattering. I found I had traded the lopsidedness for flatchested and bound. So I lived in those for quite a while as I became increasingly pissed off at my inability to find myself a nice girly bra. Each time I looked in the mirror at my scars, and a newly built headlight that was forever “on” I wondered why it had to be so dam hard to find something to at least make me look nice from the outside….something to hide all that and still make me feel pretty. Sexy even.
As I stroll through VS now I look around at all these tweens doing their own bra shopping wondering how could it be possible that at such a young age it warrants sexy lacy underwire bra’s? You know…the ones I can no longer wear in my 30’s. I remember being that age having my mom pretty much pick those out for me, not that there was much of a selection back then where we shopped. Jealous much?! Not only was I feeling unattractive and ugly, I was feeling dam old!
Where I was heading with all this is that I FINALLY found a one! And it fit all my requirements with a bonus. No wire, with padding (to cover the headlight that never shuts off) and drumroll please……LACE!! I wanted to cry I was so happy. Thank You Calvin Klein!
But you know what happens next right? It is sure to be discontinued! LOL
This was originally posted in May of '08. As I am in full on bra shopping mode I thought I would share once again!
As a breast cancer survivor do you have difficulty with bra shopping? Have you been successful? Do you find that you feel jealous when you see women shopping in VS without a thought to what will fit?
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Friday, September 4, 2009
Here is the link to the post Mourning As A Young Adult.
Have you ever experienced the loss of a spouse at a young age? How did you handle it? What is the most significant loss you have suffered?
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
I could barely see him over the pile of books I was juggling in my arms. As I listened to my white capezios tap, tap, along the cold terrazo my palms began to sweat. I slowly moved closer. I could smell his cologne. He had jet black hair that complimented his big brown Italian eyes. A ripped bandanna was tied around his head like Rambo most likely torn from an old gray sweatshirt. A red and white football jacket hung neatly on his broad muscular frame. Then I looked in his eyes. Then I remember where I first saw him.
I was neatly dressed in a red and green plaid uniform climbing the stairwell of St. Peter’s School. I noticed a boy quickly walking down past me looking very shy as if he were hiding something. His head was tilted to the left. With my childlike curiosity I strained my neck to see his face. I gasped quietly to myself noticing the dent around his left eye. The skin was multiple shades of red and purple. There were no eyelashes with only half of a brow. The eye appeared to be protruding from its socket.
Rachael ran up to me giddy with excitement demanding that I put my books down. As I bent down hoping my black pants held together I heard
“Cathy, this is Paul, and Paul this is Cathy…ok, now talk!”
She had tried to prepare me, told me how handsome he was and then sternly warned me a few days earlier.
“Do not stare at his left eye.”
“Why not?” I asked as my eyes grew wider.
“Because he has a lot of scars from sugeries. I don’t know the whole story but just don’t do it okay?”
“Okay, don’t worry, I won’t” I repied as I wondered if it was the same boy.
My eyes slowly gazed up and caught his smile as he reached his hand out to greet me. . .
I will occasionally be posting writing samples for a new project I am working on and would love to have input from you guys!