Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Twentysomethings...Miss Being One??

I am going to age myself with this post but here goes!  As I approach my 40th birthday next month (did I just say that?!)  I can't help but reflect on my life, ponder years gone by.  A new decade is upon me.  It is both exciting and scary at the same time.  Having had cancer at 31, I was just ecstatic to see 32!.  Now I feel proud and excited to be staring 40 in the face.

I was watching the SATC Movie, for the upteenth time, the other nite and it got me to thinking about my 20's.  As I watched the opening scene where Carrie is strutting down a NYC street and passes by a four pack of twentysomething girls who appear to be mirror images of the famous foursome way back when I thought about how I wouldn't want to be in my 20's anymore.  

Despite the fact that I was widowed at 25 which I felt like nearly ruined me, what I thought about was how I felt inside as far as knowing who I was.  I had no freakin clue!  Even before I was married, before the accident took everything away from me.  I had just graduated from OT school, started my career and was engaged.  I was so in love, and so happy to be starting my life.  A life away from my parents to one with Paul.  But inside there was alot of self doubt, poor self esteem, and fear.  I had no idea where life would take me.  I hadn't yet connected with my true self.  

Today I feel like I am doing what I have always been meant to do.  Being a writer and having the opportunity to share my story are what I feel excited about doing.  I have more clarity these days, I take better care of myself,  I enjoy more of the quiet moments.  Although I have to say that I do miss going out clubbing in NYC, staying out till 5am, and sleeping most of the following day away recovering.  I enjoyed much more of a nitelife back then in my single days.  I still love music and dancing but today it is mostly done in my own living room with my dog watching me as I dance from one end of the room to the other....basking in the moment.

Do you miss your 20's?  If you could turn back the clock would you ever go back?  What do you like more about yourself now?  What do you feel has shaped you into who you are today?


Daria said...

It's funny recently I was just thinking about if I wanted to relive any of my life and what I figured is that from age 19 to 24 is what I would like to relive.

That was a very carefree fun time for me.

Ashley said...

too funny, I was just thinking about this myself this weekend, Daria, 19 to 24 was very challenging years in my life, I wouldn't trade it for anything because I feel I have learned so much about life, myself, but I do wonder what it would have been like if I hadn't lived through all that I have.... but I am finding meaning in all of it, that now I am able to help others in hard times...
great topic Cathy!