Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Cancer and Relationships Part Two. . . So I Have Cancer And You Think That Makes Me Easy?!

That is the question I asked myself when I was dating during my cancer treatment. Sure, I wondered who would want to date a girl who lost a breast and was totally scarred up. But I never imagined that I would meet a guy who thought I would be easier to get in the sack because of my cancer diagnosis.

Well, I did meet him. His name was Kevin. We certainly were not strangers. We had dated prior to my diagnosis. Kevin was pretty full of himself and came on pretty strong when it came to relationships. Especially in the intimacy department. On our first date he was an octopus, pawing at my clothes right after dinner. Call me crazy, but I shy away from being groped. We only saw each other a few more times after that. Then we lost touch. And I was ok with that.

But one night a few weeks after my surgery he showed up at my door late at night. As I looked through the peephole of my door my heart sank when I saw him. Here is the booty call I thought to myself. And sure enough after some small talk at the door he put his arms around me and before I knew it he was leading me over to my couch.

He told me that he heard about my diagnosis and wondered why I hadn't called him. I could feel the puzzled look on my face. I almost didn't know what to say. I was too dam startled. As I filled in the blanks about my diagnosis, surgery, and upcoming chemo I realized that he had other things on his mind. It was the moment that he grabbed my hand and nonchalantly put it between his legs. He was up and ready wanting me to know it. I will spare you the details but lets just say that I quickly asked him to leave. I felt relieved at the ease of his exit.

After he left that night I couldn't help but wonder if he treated me that way because he thought I was a charity case. Did he think I should consider myself lucky that someone still wanted me? Did he think I would be easier to get into bed now?

In the end though it only mattered what I thought of myself. That night as I laid in my bed alone I wondered if someone would be able to see anything other than sickness when they looked at me. Then I wondered if I would be able to. . .

Did you ever feel that your cancer diagnosis affected how you were treated by the opposite sex? What is your craziest dating with cancer story?


Alli said...

I read your post and shook my head!! Yup they sure do think you are desperate. After all we lost a breast who wants to be with a one breasted woman? So they think we need pity sex...... The first time I heard something like this from a male friend I was ready to slug him. Never mind the fact we have to make adjustments to fit into the very precarious normal which has taken over our lives. Never mind that we just might need to be held a little - comforted. I had my surgery this past April

Bottom line some men just don't get it!! Alli

Cathy Bueti said...

Hi Alli! Thanks for your comment! I soooo agree! Some of them are clueless to say the least!

I hope you have recovered well from your surgery.