Taking Cancer Out On A Date

That is the title of a great article I was interviewed for this week posted in the Philadelphia Daily News. It was penned by Jenice Armstrong. The interview was in preparation for tomorrow's Symposium that I am speaking at hosted by Fox Chase Cancer Center.

In this interview I share what it was like dating as a young widow during my cancer treatment. It is tough enough to navigate the dating scene but it becomes that much more challenging when you are bald and boobless.

Check out the article Taking Cancer Out On A Date. And I hope to see some of you in Philly tomorrow!

Speaking in Philadelphia at Fox Chase Cancer Center

This Saturday November 6, I will be heading to Philly to share my story on a panel at the Jane Pepper Women's Cancer Symposium being held at Fox Chase Cancer Center. I will be discussing dating with cancer as well as ways that I have fought fear that comes in the life after cancer.

I hope you will join me and the other wonderful panelists for a great day! I will also be doing a book signing after the panel discussion! I would love to see you there! So please come out if you are in the area!

For more information on the event and to register Click Here. Although the deadline says November 1st there are still spaces available!

Cancer and Relationships Part Two. . . So I Have Cancer And You Think That Makes Me Easy?!

That is the question I asked myself when I was dating during my cancer treatment. Sure, I wondered who would want to date a girl who lost a breast and was totally scarred up. But I never imagined that I would meet a guy who thought I would be easier to get in the sack because of my cancer diagnosis.

Well, I did meet him. His name was Kevin. We certainly were not strangers. We had dated prior to my diagnosis. Kevin was pretty full of himself and came on pretty strong when it came to relationships. Especially in the intimacy department. On our first date he was an octopus, pawing at my clothes right after dinner. Call me crazy, but I shy away from being groped. We only saw each other a few more times after that. Then we lost touch. And I was ok with that.

But one night a few weeks after my surgery he showed up at my door late at night. As I looked through the peephole of my door my heart sank when I saw him. Here is the booty call I thought to myself. And sure enough after some small talk at the door he put his arms around me and before I knew it he was leading me over to my couch.

He told me that he heard about my diagnosis and wondered why I hadn't called him. I could feel the puzzled look on my face. I almost didn't know what to say. I was too dam startled. As I filled in the blanks about my diagnosis, surgery, and upcoming chemo I realized that he had other things on his mind. It was the moment that he grabbed my hand and nonchalantly put it between his legs. He was up and ready wanting me to know it. I will spare you the details but lets just say that I quickly asked him to leave. I felt relieved at the ease of his exit.

After he left that night I couldn't help but wonder if he treated me that way because he thought I was a charity case. Did he think I should consider myself lucky that someone still wanted me? Did he think I would be easier to get into bed now?

In the end though it only mattered what I thought of myself. That night as I laid in my bed alone I wondered if someone would be able to see anything other than sickness when they looked at me. Then I wondered if I would be able to. . .

Did you ever feel that your cancer diagnosis affected how you were treated by the opposite sex? What is your craziest dating with cancer story?

Cancer and Relationships Part One. . . Has Cancer Left You Feeling Unworthy??

I realized for me the answer to this question is a resounding yes unfortunately. During my cancer treatment I was out there in the online dating world which as we know is tough enough without the added stress of being bald and boobless. I tried to be hopeful and wanted to continue with the parts of my life that I enjoyed and were important to me. Dating was one of those things. In my book Breastless in the City I share many of these dating experiences as well as the reasons why I stayed with men that were bad for me. One of those reasons had to do with cancer.

I didn't realize it at the time but I felt so unworthy because I had cancer that I made some pretty bad choices in men. I began to feel as though cancer made me instantly undateable. I felt like no man in their right mind would want to date a girl with cancer. Beyond the hair loss and losing a breast there was that tiny issue of survival! I wondered who would want to date a girl who might not survive another year. All of the self-esteem issues I struggled with my whole life really rose to the surface during that time.

So I met the guy who didn't mind I had cancer. He told me so. He told me he wanted to be the one to see me through it... the one to be by my side. It almost seemed to good to be true. And I would come to find that was exactly what it was. I began to dismiss the anger he had towards me, the unkind words, his thoughtless behavior, and how he was verbally abusive to his children. All that began to matter to me was that he was with me despite my cancer. I realized I felt so dam unworthy that I let myself stay in this bad relationship. And then I wanted out. It was then that he finally showed his true colors during a fight that went a little something like this...

"I just can't do this anymore. . . this isn't working" I said

"What are you talking about? What do you mean?" he asked with a puzzled look on his face.

"You know what I mean. I don't think we should see each other anymore. I'm sorry."

"What? After everything I did for you? This is how you thank me? Like this?" he said with an angered look on his face.

I stopped and wondered for a second just what he meant by that and almost didn't want to know. Unfortunately he quickly cleared up my confusion.

"You have no idea what I have done for someone like you." he said.

"Just what do you mean someone like me?" I asked

"You know. . . someone with cancer. You think there are alot of guys out there who would want to be with a girl who has cancer?"

In that moment he confirmed every fear I had about no man wanting to be with me because I had cancer. I had put him on some sort of pedestal he didn't deserve. I wondered if he was right.

Although I was angry at myself for wasting precious time with someone who was not worthy of it I did feel proud of myself for being strong enough to walk away despite all the fear.

How did cancer affect your relationships? Did you ever feel undateable because of cancer? Have you let yourself stay in a bad relationship because of your cancer? Did you find yourself reacting different to relationships than you had before your diagnosis?

Blogging For Boobs

I am guest bloggin today over at Talkin With Teenie for her first annual Blogging For Boobs Breast Bash 2009.   Tina is the daughter of a breast cancer survivor and is having guest bloggers share their breast cancer stories all month long to raise awareness and funds to support those with breast cancer.  I am sharing my own story about dating with cancer and also giving away a copy of my book Breastless in the City.  

So head over to her blog, check out my post and please share the link!

Are you single and going through cancer?  If so are you continuing to date?  What has that experience been like?  Has your cancer diagnosis stopped you from continuing in the dating scene?  

Stupid Cancer Show Monday Nite...Tune In!

If you haven't heard of the Stupid Cancer Show now is the time to check it out. It is live on Blog Talk Radio every Monday nite from 9pm-10pm EST. It has a chat room where you can meet up and interact with other young cancer survivors during the show. It is hip, irreverent, and a fun place to hang out! I highly recommend giving it a listen!

I am excited because I am going to be a guest on this weeks show on Memorial Day! I will be chatting it up and discussing my book Breastless in the City and navigating the dating scene while going through cancer. Hope to see you in the chat room!

Have you ever listened to the show? What do you think? Doesn't it rock?!

Radio Interview on Cancer Corner Live

This is an internet radio show for cancer survivors hosted by Bob Grayson a survivor himself. I was interviewed by Bob on last nite's show. It was a great time! We discussed Breastless in the City and the many topics/themes throughout the book. I shared my story of dealing with being a young widow, to dating through cancer and how I deal with life after cancer which it seems we are never prepared for.

Listen to the podcast and let me know what you think!