So last night when I had a really bad headache in the same place on my forehead it rushed me right back to that first chemo nite. It always does. Each headache I have had since (and there have been many) unwillingly takes me back to that moment. All of the fear and even some tears. The flashback got worse when I took advil and it didn't work. So there I was on the couch with the lights low holding back tears. I have had headaches all of my life. This is nothing new for me. I have even had this discussion with my oncologist who says that if it is not any different then it is nothing to worry about. And part of me knows that and agrees with him. But it is in these moments when all the bad memories come rushing back amongst the pain that another part of me cannot distinguish between the two. The fear gets as intense as the pain.
I wonder if there will be a day when a headache, a sneeze, or a stomach ache won't scare the hell out of me...
Does this ever happen to you? Do symptoms you had before cancer scare you now? How do you deal with the fear? How do you put it all back in perspective?
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