This is a question I asked myself years ago when the accident happened. First I thought about the conversation that Paul initiated the night before he died. It was a discussion about what would either of us do if we lost the other. He told me that I would be ok and move on without him. Then I thought about how I found a small article Paul wrote about this life complete with a message for others. It was almost prophetic. I thought about his brother Louie when he told us how he was afraid to drive and didn't want to get his learner's permit. What 16 year old doesn't want to drive? He waited till he was 18. He had his learner's permit when he drove the car that killed them both that day. Ironic. . . no??
Then I thought about how when I was a kid I learned about what kind of hospital Sloan Kettering was I actually thought to myself "What if I have to go there someday? I wonder if it was a premonition way back when that I would get cancer? It was the hospital where I was treated almost 9 years ago.
I am sure this all sounds crazy to some but not to me. I can't help but wonder if somehow our souls have knowledge of when our lives will end. That it is something not in our conscious mind but an awareness we have that doesn't make sense at the time it may come through to our being. My first thought when I read this story was that the fear of that track was coming from his soul's knowledge of check out time. Paul used to tell me "Don't worry about me so much Cat. . . when my number's up its up. . . "
What did you think when you read this story? Do you believe in soul's? Do you think our souls have any knowledge of the future?
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2 comments:
Holy cow - I totally agree with you, and I thought I was the only one. About 2 years before I was diagnosed, I had a thought (totally out of the blue, and ptompted by nothing) that, if I were ever to be diagnosed with cancer, it would be all right, because I would do what I always do - put one foot in front of the other one, and keep on keeping on.
It's scary for me, too, because I have this impending fear that my time here in limited. That manifested itself here last week, with a dream that my colon cancer came back in my liver and a bit in my lungs. Premonition? I hope to hell not. If it is - well, I became a stage 4 survivor (I think) in my dream, so that's okay, too.
I truly believe they do. I've had similar experiences and I trust very much in the fact that if we listen to our souls, our inner voices, we know.
And to Michelle...whatever happens, putting one foot in front of the other and keep on going is the way to go. Stay strong!
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