Thursday, March 4, 2010

Bad Hair Days. . . Do You Complain About It?

We all have bad hair days don't we?  I know I do.  But when I faced the loss of my hair during chemotherapy I swore to myself that when my hair grew back I would never complain about bad hair days again.  Losing my hair was the hardest part of my cancer experience.  Yes, even more difficult than losing my breast.  My bald head was the one thing I couldn't successfully hide.  I was so self conscious about wearing a wig.  I didn't have the confidence to sport the bald head.  

I was so grateful to have my hair back.  Once I had enough peach fuzz covering my head I ditched the wig.  I was very comfortable with super short hair as I have had it many times in my life.  I have experimented with all lengths and colors.  My hair grew in super curly and  I welcomed the change.  Then a few years later after one haircut it became pin straight.  Recently I have even decided to let my hair go gray.  This past fall I cut it short in part to get rid of highlights I had and make it easier to grow out the color.  I have to say that seeing the gray is weird.  But for me I just don't like the all the chemicals from hair color and the maintainence it takes so we'll see how I handle the gray thing.  

As the summer approaches I have toyed with the idea of cutting my hair very short again.  I have hot flashes all day long and just don't have the patience for long hair.  And I thought about what is stopping me.  My husband startled me the other day when he listened to my latest hair rant and said "After all you have gone through with your hair why are you making such a big deal out of this. . . do whatever you want with it?  

He was right.   I have already been bald.  Why do I still obsess over my hair?  Haven't I learned that it is not about the hair?  I should be grateful to have hair adorning my head.  I feel as though having had cancer and experiencing the hair loss that comes with it instantly revokes my right to ever complain about a bad hair day for the rest of my life . . .  

Do you complain about bad hair days?  As a cancer survivor do you ever feel guilty for complaining about your hair?  Why do you think the hair thing so important?  Or is it?


Sherry said...

Truly, I have never complained about my hair since chemo. Mine came back the way it went out -- straight. And grey (though I'd been colouring it for so long I'd no idea exactly what colour it would come in!!). I keep it short because I liked that look and I've coloured it many times...funky colours..because I can and because I know that if I don't like it, it will grow out or I can colour over it or shave it off. I've been bald...after that? There's a freedom in knowing it's only hair. Your husband is a wise man!!

As for the grey...I was thinking about that the other day -- just letting it go and not worrying about it. Then this morning I'm thinking...try something funky again. So I'm not really 100% for just letting it go..but who knows, after typing this? I just might change my mind! xo

Cathy Bueti said...

Thanks for your comment Sherry! Yes, my husband is very wise! And he knows me very well!

I know what you mean about not knowing what color it would be when it grew back....I had colored mine so much back then I was curious to my natural color!

Its good to know that someone else out there changes their mind as much as I do! And as you said....After you have been bald....

But you can always change your mind right?! :)

Anonymous said...
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hollyrock said...

i have made that vow too. to never complain. but i havent gotten to part where it all grows back yet. actually i feel guilty, because i'm not bald. i was on interferon which made my hair thin, but i havent lost it all. so much keeps coming out each day though, i understand why people just shave it. it gets messy!

i need advice though, so i've got a date. i've got wigs. i feel sexier in my wigs, with a full head of hair, but then again, i don't want to paint an unrealistic portrait of me. its my first date with this guy, so maybe ill see him again maybe not. so i guess the "i've got cancer" convo will come up if we get to date 2 or maybe ill wait to #3 or #4. i can't decide though, whether i should put my sexy on, or keep it real. anyone got any takes?

Cathy Bueti said...

Hi Holly... Thanks for sharing! I certainly understand your predicament regarding dating. I dated throughout my treatment and struggled with when to tell. I too felt more comfortable in wigs. In the beginning before I looked the part I was not telling the guy. But then when I lost my hair I started to fess up sooner.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to this. Personally for me I felt better being honest upfront. Because the more I tried to hide the worse I felt about myself. When I met my husband I went on our first date in my wig but I told him what I was going through prior to us meeting.

So I say keep it real. And I think you can still put your sexy on and keep it real at the same time. The keeping it real part is the honesty upfront.

I hope this helps. And as I said there is no right or wrong way it is what you feel most comfortable with. I have been where you are and know how tough the dating thing is during cancer.

Keep us posted!

Logan said...

I recommend to all people suffering from hair loss as generic products take generic viagra is a very effective medication.

Unknown said...

Hi Cathy! I have a different advice for holly. When my wife and I first dated, she didn't tell me she was wearing one of those Motown Tress wigs. Actually, she only admitted it when we were already together and happily in love.

At first, I found it hard to believe because her hair had grown by then. But when she showed me the set of women's wigs she owned, I got shocked at first, but I eventually accepted it. It didn't change my view of her at all.