Going Gray Just For Fun?

In last year's post Gray Area I talk about trying to accept my graying hair. I decided to stop coloring it last year and am in the process of welcoming the gray and just letting nature take its course. I am still not sure how I will adjust to it as it has been strange to see so many grays popping up and taking residence all over my head. However having said it will always be better than when I was bald from chemo. That will always go down as my worst bad hair day (or rather no hair day) ever.

So I was stunned recently when I heard about celebrities like Lady Gaga, Kate Moss, and Kelly Osbourne dying their hair gray just for the hell of it. Apparently it has become a fashion trend these days. There are apparently twentysomething girls going to the salon having gray put in their hair. It has been seen on the runway as well. With all the women dying their hair to cover the gray it is refreshing to see it coming out in the fashion world. I don't know how long this trend will last but I found it quite interesting nonetheless.

You can check out this article all about it in the New York Post.

What do you think about these celebrities going gray for fun? Do you think this trend will last? Do you dye your hair? Would you ever consider going gray?

Free Spa Services For Cancer Patients

When I was going through my cancer treatments I tried to keep up with my weekly manicures. Even though I had to be more careful of cutting my cuticles with the new risk of lymphedema I still enjoyed my girl time. For those moments I felt more normal, and calmed. It was something that made me feel better and something I did just for me. And believe it or not it helped with my body image which was all but in the toilet during that time. Certainly a massage would have done wonders with all the stress that I just about carried around via boulders in my neck muscles.

I was excited to recently find out about a great charitable organization that provides free spa services to cancer patients undergoing chemotherapy. Angie's Spa funds hospital programs across the country with the purpose of providing those free services to patients. It is an all volunteer organization with 100 percent of donations raised going toward hospital programs.

Angie's Spa is named in memory of a young breast cancer survivor Angie Levy who battled breast cancer for 9 years and passed away at only 36 years old. You can read more about Angie's story here.

Become a fan of Angie's Spa on Facebook and help spread the word!

What did you do during your treatment that was just for you? Did your hospital offer spa services during your treatment? Do you have a story to share about Angie's Spa?

The Mom Gene . . . Do You Have It?

I always knew I was missing the mom gene. Ever since I can remember I knew somehow that I was not meant to be a mother this time around. Although I used to play house when I was a kid and loved to babysit as a tween when I got older I wondered if it was meant for me. I was married at 23 and my then husband Paul wanted to have 6 kids or some ridiculous number like that. I would look at him like he was crazy. He loved kids, loved to be around them. I on the other hand was so uncomfortable around kids. I never quite knew what to say or do and felt all this pressure just being in their presence. Looking back now I can say I was on the fence then. But if Paul wanted them I probably would've gone along with it.

After he died I never thought I would marry again let alone have a family of my own. When I turned thirty I started to feel like I really didn't want any children. Then cancer came at 31 and changed everything. My doctors discussed fertility options prior to my chemotherapy and I was well aware that my treatment would most likely leave me unable to have a baby. At the time I really didn't have a strong feeling about having a baby so I didn't pursue saving any of my eggs. Truth be told I was so screwed up and terrified that I couldn't really see into the future. I wasn't sure I would even have one. I think it may have been the missing mom gene.

Chemotherapy threw me into instant menopause and 8 years later I don't think it is going away any time soon given my age. When I met my husband Lou during my treatments I was concerned about whether or not he wanted children. I was pleased to find that he didn't. We were on the same page. I think it is super important for a husband and wife to agree on the baby thing.

Last nite I caught a glimpse of a documentary about a couple who unexpectedly have quintuplets. The husband was found to be infertile and admittedly didn't want to have kids. But his wife wanted to have them. So they agreed to use a sperm donor and had one child. Then she wanted one more. Back to the sperm donor they went and oops....then came 5! It got me to wondering...especially about the husband. He never wanted kids and now he has 6. And not even his own. I wonder what the stress of all that will do to their marriage. More than that I wonder how he feels having "given in" to the pressure from his wife who wanted kids so badly. Its one thing to compromise on a place to live or where to go on a vacation but children? I say you both need to be on the EXACT same page as far as that goes.

I can't help but wonder if the little feeling I had my whole life about not being a mother was something my soul knew. That it all happened how it was meant to be. I lost my husband and then my ovaries went on strike from cancer treatment. I had the odds stacked against me anyway. Maybe that is why I always had that instinct about myself. And then I wonder how often one person in a relationship "gives in" to the other when it comes to starting a family. . .

Did cancer treatment affect your fertility? Did you always know where you stood on the kid thing? Are you and your partner on the same page about having kids?

Bad Hair Days. . . Do You Complain About It?

We all have bad hair days don't we?  I know I do.  But when I faced the loss of my hair during chemotherapy I swore to myself that when my hair grew back I would never complain about bad hair days again.  Losing my hair was the hardest part of my cancer experience.  Yes, even more difficult than losing my breast.  My bald head was the one thing I couldn't successfully hide.  I was so self conscious about wearing a wig.  I didn't have the confidence to sport the bald head.  

I was so grateful to have my hair back.  Once I had enough peach fuzz covering my head I ditched the wig.  I was very comfortable with super short hair as I have had it many times in my life.  I have experimented with all lengths and colors.  My hair grew in super curly and  I welcomed the change.  Then a few years later after one haircut it became pin straight.  Recently I have even decided to let my hair go gray.  This past fall I cut it short in part to get rid of highlights I had and make it easier to grow out the color.  I have to say that seeing the gray is weird.  But for me I just don't like the all the chemicals from hair color and the maintainence it takes so we'll see how I handle the gray thing.  

As the summer approaches I have toyed with the idea of cutting my hair very short again.  I have hot flashes all day long and just don't have the patience for long hair.  And I thought about what is stopping me.  My husband startled me the other day when he listened to my latest hair rant and said "After all you have gone through with your hair why are you making such a big deal out of this. . . do whatever you want with it?  

He was right.   I have already been bald.  Why do I still obsess over my hair?  Haven't I learned that it is not about the hair?  I should be grateful to have hair adorning my head.  I feel as though having had cancer and experiencing the hair loss that comes with it instantly revokes my right to ever complain about a bad hair day for the rest of my life . . .  

Do you complain about bad hair days?  As a cancer survivor do you ever feel guilty for complaining about your hair?  Why do you think the hair thing so important?  Or is it?