What's On Your Bookshelf?

Reading has always been an escape for me. An escape to another place, a way to meet new people, laugh, and travel even if it is all in my mind. These days my mind is way too busy so sometimes, actually alot of the time, and I need to shut it down. I try to go for fiction although I do enjoy some memoir. I go for the easy reads, nothing complicated for me, just light and fun. Sometimes though a good Patterson novel does the trick. I really enjoy his books. Such a fast pace, great story, and so easy to read with its 3 page chapters! My fav books by Patterson are Sail, Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas, Lifeguard, The Beach House and Beach Road.

Today I wanted to share with you a new author I recently discovered. She of course is not new but new to me as a reader. She is Adriana Trigiani. She has written many novels. Most recently I have read 3 of her books. Two of them in her new Valentine Series including Very Valentine and Brava Valentine, about an italian american girl who lives in NYC and works in the family shoe business. I devoured those two books and will find it hard to wait for next February when the 3rd installment in the series comes out. I love stories set in NYC and also with characters who are italian probably because it connects me with my italian heritage. Her books are filled with humor and romance set in the backdrop of NYC. Can't get much better than that for me. Another good novel of hers that I just finished is Lucia, Lucia set during the early 50's in Greenwich village that follows the young life of an italian american seamstress longing for romance and that happy ending.

I for one still enjoy flipping pages in a book, using a bookmark and hearing the binding crackle in a new hardcover. I don't see myself ever going to a Kindle. Although that is so the trend these days with the progression of technology. What about you?

So, what are you guys reading these days? Would love for you to share!

Sex and the City 2 . . . Breast Cancer Survivors And Hormone Therapy? I Think Not!

I am a HUGE fan of Sex and the City (SATC). So huge that the show was the inspiration for the title of my memoir Breastless in the City. I was pleased to see that the show addressed breast cancer through Samantha's character during Season 6. As a young single woman going through it myself I thought they handled the topic well and portrayed a realistic view of issues such as hair loss and chemo induced menopause. I applauded them at the time.

Having said that I feel that they have let down breast cancer survivors, myself included, with Samantha's menopause storyline in SATC 2. First let me say that I understand it is just a movie and should be fun BUT since they already addressed breast cancer in a show storyline I was disappointed that Hello! there was no mention of it in this movie. It was as if she had never had cancer. Samantha already went through menopause during her chemo and now she is going through it as a 52 year old woman like it was the first time. Every breast cancer survivor knows that hormone therapy is a no no. Most breast cancers are fed by estrogen mine included and that is why hormones are never recommended for us because it can increase the risk of breast cancer.

I wondered what the writers were thinking having Samantha slap on estrogen, other types of hormone creams, and patches to battle menopause symptoms. She became a walking advertisement for Suzanne Somers' book on bioidentical hormone therapy. Not to mention that they could have at least addressed the life after cancer that so many of us deal with. It was as though Samantha's life never changed. There were no checkups, scans, or emotional struggles related to her cancer experience. I really think that the writers missed an opportunity to bring to light the issues so many women with breast cancer face after the treatment is over.

I am only 40 years old but thanks to my chemo 9 years ago I have been in menopause for the past 2 years. Hot flashes galore, night sweats, crazy mood swings, and dare I admit it low libido. I deal with it. Some days not well but I deal none the less. Even on my most hot flashy days you will never see me slapping on hormone creams. . .

Did you see SATC 2? What are your thoughts on the movie? If you are a bc survivor what do you think of the Samantha and menopause storyline?

Twin Titties . . . A New Low In Breast Cancer Fundraising

When I heard about this I gasped. There is a bar in Minneapolis raising money for breast cancer by having women enter their boobs in a contest. I for one am not a big fan of the "T" word. I prefer "Boobs"not that a word change would have helped quell my disdane for this offensive breast cancer fundraiser. According to the Bootleggers Bar website the winner receives a Victoria's Secret gift card (not too predictable) and a bar tab gift card to encourage more alcohol consumption cause that is oh so healthy. The winners will also have their "dual" posted in the bar no doubt for all the men to drool over. Could this be more disgusting? Oh, but wait. . . it must be ok because it is all in the name of breast cancer research.

And I thought that the KFC debacle and the Men For Women Now Campaign were bad enough. I think that the gawking men are the winners here. This is just more exploitation of women cleverly hidden under the guise of breast cancer fundraising. Because what man doesn't want to help a good cause especially if it involves getting to see some boobs? I like to believe that most men are better than that . . .

Check out the complete article here on jezebel.com.

Have you heard about this? What do you think? Are you offended by this "fundraiser"? Do you find the "T" word offensive?

Remembering Dad And Feeling Grateful To Have Made Amends . . .

Today marks the second anniversary of my father's passing. He was only 60 years old. It was pancreatic cancer. He used to tell me when I was growing up that he wouldn't live to see 65 years old. I told him to stop saying that. He never did. And then it happened.

I hate admitting this to anyone but mostly to myself. . . I stupidly thought that losing him wouldn't be as hard as it has been because we weren't that close. His drinking and depression came between us. I can tell you that this has been very tough both as a daughter and a cancer survivor. The survivor's guilt has always been with me even as I just celebrated my 9th year cancer free on 5/31 the same day as my 7th wedding anniversary to Lou. It is bittersweet to have just celebrated the other day and now feeling the pain of loss.

Here is an excerpt from my book Breastless in the City where I share our last conversation on his 60th birthday on 4/6/08 . . .

When he answered the door, I almost didn't recognize him. He had let his short crew cut grow almost as long as his beard. He had lost so much weight that his face was all sunken in. He was there alone. It was just the two of us. We sat and talked for awhile.

After some small talk, he said, "Next time around I will be a better dad."

I wasn't expecting that. I responded, "You did the best you could."

"No I didn't, I did what was best for me."

At that moment all the crap between us didn't matter. I don't remember who hugged whom first. I think it was me. As we embraced, it felt foreign and comforting at the same time. Then he said, "I love my little girl."

And I said, "I love you too."

Then the tears began and I was crying so hard I could barely stop. There were tears in his eyes too, which was a first. At that moment Dad and I had finally arrived at the place it had taken my whole life to get to and we were saying things to each other that we never had before. I don;t think either of us had planned on having that talk. It seemed to come out of nowhere, but I, for one, am glad it did . . .

i[2]y . . . Giving A Voice To Young Adults With Cancer!

I have long been a supporter of the Im Too Young For This! Cancer Foundation since its inception in 2007. It is an invaluable resource for young adults with cancer. I wish they had been around when I was diagnosed with cancer back in 2001 at 31 years old. This is a new video they put together about their foundation. Please share! The young adult voice needs to be heard!

Cancer . . . Was It Just Part of The Plan?

"Please don't forget to wear your seat belt." I said to him for the millionth time.

"You worry too much Cat. It doesn't matter if I wear my seatbelt or not. If its my time to go I will go no matter what." he said

Paul and I had that conversation the morning he was killed. And wouldn't you know it. . . he got the last word. He was wearing his seat belt.

Some spiritualists believe that you make choices or rather your soul does before entering into this life. You chose your parents as well as the experiences you will have both good and bad in order for your soul to learn the lessons. Some even believe you choose your check out time.

I do believe in that and have always believed things happen for a reason. That there are no coincidences. Even the bad stuff I have gone through has served a purpose. When Paul died I felt as though it was his time, that he had served his purpose here on earth and it was time for his soul to move on. He even believed it too as you can tell from our seat belt talk.

Over the years as a cancer survivor I have spent way too much time trying to figure out how I am still here when so many around me have died from cancer including my own father. Was it what I ate, was it mental stress, or was it the chemicals in my skin care products. Then I think about the people that abuse their bodies and still live a long life. Now it seems as though I obsess over it in an effort to control my fear of recurrence. All of this obsessing is causing me to miss too much of my life, too many moments. It prevents me from living in the now.

Lately I have really been wondering about it all in an effort to just let go. I want to feel free, free of the fear. This is what lead me to wonder if cancer was just part of the plan?

I know it sounds crazy to some depending on your belief system. This is what I am sitting with lately. I would love to hear what you think. . .

Are you a spiritual person? Have you ever wondered why the bad things happen? Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Do you think that cancer could be a part of the plan? Is there a grand plan out there in the universe for each one of us?

These Dreams . . . Heartbreak That Never Goes Away

Those of you familiar with my story know that I was widowed when I was 25. It was the most horrific day of my entire life. I remember pulling up to my house that bright sunny afternoon when my gut sank to my feet as I looked at the police car waiting for me in front of my house. There was no question in my mind...he was dead. It was surreal. It was like everything I had seen in the movies. The police walk the wife into the house and carefully break the news as the she crumbles in tears on the floor. I would come to find it was a head on collision that killed him and his brother. Even as I type these words it still feels surreal all these years later. Not to get all new agey but I always worried about Paul especially when he was driving. I always wondered if it was a premonition type fear.

For years after the accident I worried about everyone I knew when they were out driving. I would call and panic if they weren't home. I began to fear everyone in my life would meet the same fate. And I would wait for the call from the hospital or to see a police cruiser pull up at my house. When I first met my husband Lou 8 years ago truth be told part of me did worry about him. How could I not? That fear had become etched in a deep part of my soul. But as the years had gone by I became less fearful of losing him. And thought I had beaten that fear up until the other day when he was late getting home. Lou will always call me to let me know that he will be late. I know the exact time to expect him home. I feel a sense of relief when I hear the diesel engine of his truck as it pulls into our driveway. So the other day when it was half past five and there was no call nor sign of him I felt a little pinch in my gut. It certainly wasn't full on panic but it had crept into my thoughts with things like "I couldn't survive this again." A few minutes later my phone rang and it was him. Calmness washed over me. He was ok.

I thought the fear was gone. That is until my dream that very same night. All I remember was being in our house wondering where Lou was because he was late getting home. I was pacing the floors in our bedroom. I heard the door open. I smiled and rushed out to see him. I could feel my heart sink when I saw two police officers sitting at my kitchen table. They were in full uniform including their hats. I locked eyes with them as they were staring at me quiet. The next thing I remember was screaming "NO" and I woke up screaming at that moment. I couldn't believe it. There was no mystery to the meaning of that dream. And even 15 years later the fear came busting out from my mind in a dream.

Have you ever experienced something that remained with you and still affected you years later? Do you experience your deepest fears in any dreams? What is the most significant dream you ever had?