Lemon Love

Something I really need to do more of on this blog is to share some of the ways I have tried to improve my health over the past few years.  One of which is how I changed my diet.  Of course this change was initiated by me getting kicked in the ass by cancer!  But what is important is that I am in a better place and am treating my body better. 

One of the things I have found that makes me feel all kinds of good are lemons.  I try to keep myself hydrated which is so important but sometimes I just get tired of the taste of water, or should I say lack thereof!  So I started squeezing lemons into the water for the better taste but never realized what it would do for my body.  Of course I always need some sweetness so I added some agave nectar to it as well and have a great healthy lemonade!  Agave nectar is a natural sweetener that comes from the agave plant and it is so much better for you than regular sugar.  

What I learned is that lemons help your body absorb all the water you drink better than water alone.  They also help your liver do its job which is to get rid of toxins.  Not to mention lots of vitamin C.    I get many headaches most of the time from dehydration.  Before I go running for that Advil I try some lemon water.  Most of the time I find that it gets rid of my headache.  I also had a recent bout with some skin issues.  And I found that the more lemon water I drank, the more my skin cleared up.  But if for nothing else lemons taste great and give you a good source of Vit C!

Anyone else love the lemon?

Big Book News!!

I am excited to finally be able to spill the beans!  Here is the cover for the new updated and revised edition of my book which is being republished by Kaplan Publishing this spring!  May 5, 2009 to be exact.  

It was a lot of work to do all the rewrites and additions to the beginning of my story as well as the end and everywhere in between.  But I think it will give an even closer look at where I started from and where I am today.  

So for those who have read the first edition I hope that you take another look and for newcomers I hope you will check it out!  I am very grateful for this new opportunity for Breastless to reach a wider audience.  Most of all my wish is for it to continue to inspire and give courage to those who don't think they can make it through the crappy stuff  that is thrown at us!  It is a story about survival, love, and embracing life!

Top of the World

I remember when you seemed larger than life to me.  You were the one who took care of everything, the one who put food on the table, who worked hard everyday.  When I was little I had yet to discover all the trouble in our house.  All the bad stuff caused by you.  

As I drove over the Tappan Zee Bridge the other day you popped into my head.   I was approaching mid span staring at the little flashing red lights at the very top when tears began to well up in my eyes.  I could almost hear your voice say "Breaker 1-9, I am at the top of the world.  Over." with the country twang you forced over your Bronx accent when talking on your CB.  And just like that, there I was sitting next to you in the front seat of your '79 maroon Volkswagon Rabbit as we headed over that bridge to pick up Grandma for the weekend.   When I looked at you all I saw was my dad.  It would be years before I would realized you were a drunk.  And even more years until I would accept it.  

You loved that dam CB and the huge antenna that popped onto the rear bumper of the Rabbit.  You brought it in the house at night so you could keep on talking with all the truck drivers on channel 19.  You were the Amoco Man, and I was Rosebud Marie.  I felt special.  It was one of the very few good memories I have of time spent with you as a child.   

As I crossed over the top of the world heading toward the tolls the tears continued to fall and I missed you all over again.

Reflections

As I stepped out of the shower I grabbed my towel.  I stood and faced the mirror.  With the towel wrapped around me I picked up my hairbrush and slowly ran it through my soaked hair.  I let the towel drop off of my shoulders and pinned it under my arms to hold it up.  No one would know I thought to myself as I quickly glanced at their shape under the towel, one bigger than the other.  Just as I lifted my right arm up to run my fingers through my hair that side of the towel slid down.  Through my blurred vision I was struck, stopped for a second that felt like an hour.  I began to stare at its perfect shape,  its perkiness, and the healthy pink shade of the nipple.  I thought about how I missed having two that looked the same, two that were healthy, two that I could feel.  I  wondered how it became the one I would always worry about.  

It has been over 7 years and this moment surprised me.  It was like for that short moment I could pretend I was whole.  I could remember what they looked like.  I never took a photo of them before surgery.  I thought about it.  Now I wish I had.  So I could always be reminded of  my reflection.  The reflection of how I used to be.   

Clutter Bug

 As I look around my house I realize that I am weighed down in clutter.  Not just physically but emotionally as well.  I feel like when my mind is messed up having a mess around me doesnt help.  It actually makes it worse.  The clutter around here is mostly mine.  I am married to a very neat person.  I wish I could be that neat, that organized.  I never have been so why start now.  But I wish I could.  I always have the pile of paper on the kitchen table that moves from there to the coffee table and eventually back to the desk in the spare room.  Clothes hang in my closet and take up space in my dresser that never see the light of day.  I recently bought some new clothes for winter and realized there was no where to put them!  

I feel like the clutter build up around me is reflective of what goes on in my mind sometimes.  Lately I feel like my mind is cluttered.  I wonder why it is so hard to start to organize, to declutter.  I have been through this before.  And once I actually start to get rid of it and clean out the space it feel soooo good when it is done.  But, to pick up the first piece of paper and put it in the shredder is like lifting a huge weight for me.  Yes, I have a paper disorder too!  

So last nite Lou and I purged our closets and made space for new clothes to actually wear.  I have many bags of clothes to bring to good will.  I certainly am better with him helping me.  Its like he is my jump start.  I wonder why I need that so much.  I am hoping to continue the momentum he started and get more organized.  I know it will feel better around me if I can push through it.  

Any other clutter bugs out there? I need help!  :)

Where I've Been

Its hard to believe that October is coming to a close.  Even harder to believe that I have neglected this blog for so dam long!  So I am finally back to tell about what has been going on to keep me away.  

Around the time of my last post I came down with a crazy bad cold that kept me huddled on the couch with boxes of puffs plus for a week.  It took me about 2 more weeks to feel better.  And during all of that I was hard at work on something very exciting for my book that I cannot yet talk about but am busting at the seems to.  Sorry for the teaser ;)

I had my annual checkup with my oncologist about 2 weeks ago.   No matter how long, how many years I am a survivor I dont think I will ever go through it with ease.  I will always have some level of anxiety.  More so since my dad passed away.  So I wanted to share a story about how that went.  

I have never come to blows with any of my docs.  But this visit came close.  Maybe it is because I have become a better advocate for myself.  Or maybe I have just become more frustrated with the establishment.  First of all I had to wait over an hour in the little room with the dam gown on freezing, pacing until he finally came in.  I am sure I must have been his last patient for the day which I bet was a stressful one.  Lou was in the room with me and I sat on a chair because I couldnt stand to sit up on the examining table for that long.  When he finally came in I hit him with the sarcasm right off.  He asked me what I was doing over on the chair and I told him I thought it would make me feel less like a patient since I had to wait so long for him.  He smiled and asked me to get up on the table.  

When he asked me how I was I told him I was fine but my dad had died.  I tried to hold back the tears for as long as I could.  I can tell you it wasn't that long.  In the meanwhile though he started in on me again about getting tested for the breast cancer gene.  He and I began this conversation or rather he began it years ago.  And I told him that I was not getting tested because I know that I wouldn't do what he was recommending if I was positive.  That is to remove my ovaries and my right breast just in case, to prevent cancer.  Now he was pushing it even harder as he explained to me about the link between pancreatic and breast cancer.  Because my dad had pancreatic cancer increases that chances that my breast cancer was genetic.  When I asked him about percentages he told me it was 10 percent that I may have the gene.  Last time I checked 10 percent is pretty low on the scale and certainly not a high enough chance in my eyes.   It was like I didnt know him, for a second when he kept pressing me about getting tested.  Then I started to cry and the tears were about my dad.  When I asked him about smoking and alcoholism being predisposing factors to pancreatic cancer which I had discovered from my google research he quickly shot down my idea and rambled on again about the gene test.  

As I laid down on my back for the breast exam, tears streaming down my face he grabbed my hand looked into my eyes and said "I would be so sad if you ended up getting ovarian cancer."

WTF!  Did I hear him correctly?  Are you kidding me?  What kind of a thing is that to say.  Wow, he was really laying on the scare tactics.  It was so not like him.  As the shock wore off I looked back at him and said "Really....well, I think I would be alot sadder than you!"  And didnt even know what else to say at that point.  I just think it was  a tad bit inappropriate for him to say that.  Not the best bedside manner for the moment. 

But having said all that I want to just close with this.  I am not saying here that genetic testing is wrong, I know it has saved many lives.  What I am saying is that I just dont think it is the right thing for me.  I personally look at my recovery in a more holistic way and believe that nutrition, lifestyle, and other environmental factors can put people at risk for cancer.  I believe and have always said that each person  faced with any disease has to make the best decisions they can for themselves and their recovery. 

Have any of you been faced with a difficult decision in any area of your life that others disagreed with?  

Stupid Cancer Comedy Show

An organization I support is having its 2nd annual fundraiser to benefit young adults with cancer.  I am of course talking about The Im Too Young For This Cancer Foundation For Young Adults.  I attended the inaugural event last year and it was a great show!  If you are a young adult with cancer or anyone who just wants to have a good time while raising money to support this lost generation of cancer survivors head on down to the Gotham Comedy Club in NYC!  But first buy a ticket here!  There are still some left!

Check out this video from the Today Show with Matthew Zachary CEO/Founder of i[2]y