Friday, August 20, 2010

Scanxiety . . . How Do You Deal??

So one would think that after 9 years I would be used to followup visits and tests. I stupidly thought I would get to a point where I would be scanxiety free. In the beginning I went for visits every 3 months, then after 3 years I went every 6 months and then when at the 5 year mark I graduated to once a year. And that included an oncologist visit, breast surgeon visit and annual mammogram along with an annual breast MRI.

Three years ago I went through a scare involving a barbaric biopsy in the MRI machine which thankfully turned out to be benign. But my anxiety reached new heights. Then 2 years ago my father died of cancer and I feared for my own life even more. Its almost like the more time I have where I don't have to go for that stuff makes it harder to go back.

I am sitting here wishing I didn't have to go for my mammo in a few days. Tuesday I will be going in for my checkup with the breast surgeon and then the mammo. I rescheduled this appointment back in March and had to wait all this time which is lunacy to me and yet I felt as if I committed a crime. Now I don't want to go at all. Yes I know I am sounding like a whiny kid. I don't want to think of my life in time to live between tests and appointments.

I need to create. I need to paint and sketch to help me with this fear. It always seems to help. So the next few days I will carve out time to do just that. Hoping it will quell some of my scanxiety. . .

What do you do to deal with scanxiety?


Caroline said...

One word - Ativan... I can't deal with scanxiety. I take Ativan the few nights prior and often take 1/2 of one day of the scan until I get the results. That's the only way I can keep my sanity. I was okay after one diagnosis but with a second diagnosis, I am now a basic case.
I know its not very mature but it works for me. Talk to your doctors about this. They don't want you to stress.

Cathy Bueti said...

HI Caroline, thanks for sharing. And I dont think it is immature at all! Each of us has to find a our own way of dealing with this high level of stress that comes with cancer survivorship. Only those of us that have been through it know what its like.

My family is always like "Don't worry so much. . . " Easy for them to say!

I have been anti pills for years. Just a personal choice. But we shall see how I do this time. You are right, it is something to discuss with the doc.


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