"You worry too much Cat. It doesn't matter if I wear my seatbelt or not. If its my time to go I will go no matter what." he said
Paul and I had that conversation the morning he was killed. And wouldn't you know it. . . he got the last word. He was wearing his seat belt.
Some spiritualists believe that you make choices or rather your soul does before entering into this life. You chose your parents as well as the experiences you will have both good and bad in order for your soul to learn the lessons. Some even believe you choose your check out time.
I do believe in that and have always believed things happen for a reason. That there are no coincidences. Even the bad stuff I have gone through has served a purpose. When Paul died I felt as though it was his time, that he had served his purpose here on earth and it was time for his soul to move on. He even believed it too as you can tell from our seat belt talk.
Over the years as a cancer survivor I have spent way too much time trying to figure out how I am still here when so many around me have died from cancer including my own father. Was it what I ate, was it mental stress, or was it the chemicals in my skin care products. Then I think about the people that abuse their bodies and still live a long life. Now it seems as though I obsess over it in an effort to control my fear of recurrence. All of this obsessing is causing me to miss too much of my life, too many moments. It prevents me from living in the now.
Lately I have really been wondering about it all in an effort to just let go. I want to feel free, free of the fear. This is what lead me to wonder if cancer was just part of the plan?
I know it sounds crazy to some depending on your belief system. This is what I am sitting with lately. I would love to hear what you think. . .
Are you a spiritual person? Have you ever wondered why the bad things happen? Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Do you think that cancer could be a part of the plan? Is there a grand plan out there in the universe for each one of us?
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Are you a spiritual person? Yes very much a spiritual person, I have had a few encounters with God the Holy Spirit is real. O and no I do not go to church anymore.
Have you ever wondered why the bad things happen? Many many times I have wondered, I have also quested God about it, I have seen and had tooooo many things happen in my life and to others, but I can not control bad people, mother nature, and I have thought many times what lesson could have been learned out of these things (because some of them are very cruel things).
Do you believe everything happens for a reason? I don't know, I hope not.
Do you think that cancer could be a part of the plan? I don't know and again hope not.
Is there a grand plan out there in the universe for each one of us? Would I say grand? Probably not, for so many things are on such a small scale and only affect a few or single, of course to who ever it affects it is Grand.
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