Sunday, May 10, 2009

Missing Much

"In what twisted universe does that happen?" was the question I asked Lou the other day.   It was when we realized that this Mother's Day would fall on May 10th, the anniversary of his sister's death to cancer.  It was 4 years today.  And 7 years ago his mom also died of cancer.  It was just around the time he and I met.  

A double whammy for him.  I don't know what to say.  I don't know what to do.  What I do know is that I can't do anything to make him feel better.  Nothing will ease the pain.  I know it is a process.  I know it will get easier over time.  But for now the pain is still palpable.  

For me today it feels strange.  Thankfully my mom is still alive and kicking except today she is in NC kicking and screaming because she is stranded between houses.  She left 2 weeks ago to move down south.  That itself has been difficult for me to digest.  It is the first time we have lived so far apart.  I called her today.   And then felt a twinge of guilt that my mom is only a phone call away.  

Lou is frustrated today with feeling bad and missing them so much.  He turned and said  to me "We shouldn't loose a whole day because of these anniversaries.   We should be enjoying the day ourselves and making the most of it.  We are still here.  Why do we waste it feeling bad?"
I was startled a little.  He was right.  I wondered why I had never thought that same thing. 

I think part of it is because those are the moments that have shaken us, broken us and  knocked us down.  The moments we never forget.  And although those we have lost are always in our minds it seems worse on those days.   It is when all the bad stuff comes flooding back.  

How do you handle those days?  Do you get stuck in feeling sad and the missing or do you get out and celebrate life?


Anonymous said...

I think you have to allow yourself both sets of emotions - the sad, to mourn what was lost (a life before cancer, a family member, innocence), but you also need to celebrate what you have been given (the blessing of life, the beautiful blue sky, etc.). I have to deal with this on May 23rd. It's my one year cancer-versary, and my mom's birthday. Yikes.

Cathy Bueti said...

Hi Michelle! Thanks for sharing. I am glad to hear you are a one year survivor soon although it falls on your mom's birthday.

Good point you make about allowing both sides...